It has been quite a ride for the past three months since one of our babies (dogs) got sick with bone cancer. She left earth last week and I am still learning so much from the experience and reflecting on everything through this blog. I have written a poem at the end…
Miss Belle was a sweet, strong, full of life puppy with 12 years of life under her belt and so illness was difficult to fathom at first. She showed no signs of a body decline accept for a limp. We had decided when we heard the news that a good quality of life was going to be our main goal. That was all she had known and we weren't going to stop it because of an illness. If at any time we saw that she looked unhappy and ready to leave because of this disease, then we would know what to do. She always had a way of communicating with me when I looked into her eyes. I would know what she wanted even if she couldn't speak with words. When she was born, I was there to breathe life into her little nose and mouth. The birth mom did not know how to have puppies and so I was there to assist. It was awesome and it built up a bond between her and me that I always treasure!
Anyway, we had lots of medicines and regiments that we had to keep up with over the time of her illness. Sometimes this could be very grueling and time consuming. Many sleepless nights contributed to a feeling of chaos and a lack of well-being. However, we had always had a very positive and happy home and we wanted to keep a balance of healthiness in the mix. We felt that Miss Belle was going through this for all five of us (Me, Donny, our other 2 puppy dogs, and herself), even if we didn't understand why. We couldn't let any negative thoughts change the good of what we were experiencing. I know that many of you might not understand this, the thought of looking for any good while going through such a harsh family illness with death glooming so close by. For us though, we believed that she was there to bring us joy in each moment and it didn't matter how bad it felt. She was there to show us life even if tears were flowing down our face. We were all there to co-create the best experience we could find. Life can hurt sometimes, but that is part of the journey. Life is still wonderful and exciting and temporary! I really believe that was her reminder. It can sound twisted, but she was saying, "Enjoy me and life through all of it, you are here to ride the rollercoaster of life and don't stop being happy! I am happy…this disease is temporary and not really who I am! I am here to show you love no matter what!"
When we decided it was time to let her go, it was really a hard decision to make. Even though we wanted her to start a new journey without illness, we also wanted her to stay here on earth with us and so we wanted to hang on tight and not let her go. In her eyes, I knew though what she was saying, it was time. And, you know what…in the moment that her spirit started to soar; I was holding her in my arms. What a powerful, incredible, life-giving experience! I felt her fly and bounce around like Tigger! I have never felt so much Joy and Happiness than at that moment! She was free and alive and starting on a new journey! She told me," Mom, be happy and keep smiling about death…it is my birth into a new life and I will see you soon. I can't talk to you if you stay sad all the time. I am in joy and you have to find me there. I love you!"…and so, Yes, I am smiling about death so that I can truly live in life. I want to BE with and feel my baby girl, Miss Belle, with me…
Please read my poem about Death under the "My Writings" tab on this page.
With Sincere Love,
Vickie
